Dummy Chicken Farmer

US Patent Issued In 1981 Back in 1981, before growth hormones were introduced to pro sports leagues and our food chain, farmers were trying to figure out a way to get their chickens to fatten up fast. Why? Because faster fat fowls favor phat finances for farmers. So our poultry patron did a little study and came to this conclusion; chickens that are stimulated every few hours will eat more. His solution? The Dummy Chicken Farmer, a stuffed humanoid that hangs from a hook in his hat! This fake farmer is programmed to march around the chicken coop every 3.5 hours, with streamers streaming and audio blasting from his mechanical chest, stimulating the birds to chow down NOW!

We can only guess that the reason the inventor thinks this thing will work is because before the invention of chicken feed being delivered automatically by auger systems, the farmer used to visit the chickens personally and toss them their breakfast, lunch and dinner. So when the farmer came into the chicken coop, the chickens were smiling. And that's not an easy thing to do when you have a beak.

So here's our conclusion. If the chickens are happy, we're happy and the farmer is definitely happy because with his new automated dummy dancing in the coop, he gets to sleep-in every morning.

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